Pain of Loss and Gain
by Gator Ri
Summary: This is a fic about....gosh! If I say I'll spoil the entire thing for you! But it contains heartbreak and joy and the finding of...romance. That will have to work. Please R&R.
1. The Interview

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Pain of Loss and Gain

`Chapter 1` The Interview

By: Gator Ri

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Yeah, I know I shouldn't be starting another fanfic but…ah well. A few notes about this one before we get started. This is definitely an AU as in Basically the whole Suzaku thing, it didn't happen. It just makes it easier for me that way. Oh and all the Seishi that I'm using have different names, some of them from VA's and such. So lets see how well you know your Seishi. :) Before I go any further this fic is for Thug Angel Named Jen. She was the one who requested that I write on like this,(as in the coupling) so here it is. Enjoy, no da!

He sat at his large oak desk that was littered at the moment with the papers of the file that he was looking over.

He frowned thoughtfully at the little information given there. Dropping the paper on his desk he leaned back in the large comfortable leather chair and rubbed at his chin, he wouldn't be able to tell much until after the interview.

A chocolate eye strayed to the antique clock on the corner of his desk, he didn't have much time.

Pushing the chair back the thin man got up and walked to the double set of french doors that led to the balcony, outside his office. He didn't open them he just stared at the skyline of Tokyo in silent apprehension. He was always like this when first interviews for potential patients came along. What if he couldn't help this woman? What if he failed? His stomach knotted at these two similar questions as a thin coat of sweat broke out on his palms.

Closing his eyes he took a few moments and let his breathing slow and the worry and anxiety wash away with each out going breath, just like his old master had taught him.

Feeling a bit easier, he wiped his hands on the somewhat expensive black dress pants that he wore and went over to the speakerphone that sat one corner of his desk.

He stared at it a few moments, "Come on you know you'll do fine. You always do once the patient is in font of you." With that running through his mind he pushed the button that would let him talk to his secretary, "Please, send her in."

"Right-O!" came the cheerful feminine voice of the secretary, whom happened to be a good friend as well.

With another deep breath he turned back to the glass doors and resumed to look out upon the gray day as he waited for her to enter.

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"You may go in now," the purple-headed man said from behind his desk.

She looked up with large doe eyes and blinked, "W-What?" she asked her voice sounding quivery and weak.

"You can go in," her blonde-headed brother prodded her, from the chair beside her.

Nodding her chestnut head the young woman got to her feet and made her way to the double oak doors. She paused with her hand on the cool metal of the door knob and then finally turning it she opened the oak barrier and walked through, her other hand tightly clutching at a hanky.

The door shut with a soft click behind her making her jump slightly at the sudden sound in the quiet office. Again she paused and looked briefly around the room, basically only noting that it seemed comfortable.

He turned after hearing the sound of the door softly click shut. His dark eyes falling upon the small woman, clenching the worn out handkerchief.

"Good afternoon," he greeted her in a soothing voice, it sounding smooth and somewhat low.

She turned her large brown eyes on him, they held pain and fear as well as many other emotions, not necessarily good ones. His heart went out to her at this observation, his apprehension now forgotten.

"G-Good afternoon," she responded her voice barely penetrating the quiet of the room.

He gave her a soft smile that didn't show teeth nor did it reach his eyes, "Please, have a seat, Miss."

As he offered her one he took his own behind the desk and looked at the interview form he had there, with the questions that he usually asked.

Nodding the slender woman took a seat in one of the comfortable chairs that was facing the desk.

He watched her a few moments before writing something on one of the papers.

Appearance and Behavior

Nervous

Dressed nicely

Slumped posture, defeated and fearful expression

He then looked up at her and smiled again, this time showing his even white teeth, "Would you mind introducing yourself?"

She looked at the man whom didn't look much older than herself and weakly returned his smile, "M-Miaka Suknami," her voice still quivering.

He nodded his head causing his long powdery blue bangs to fall in his face, at which he brushed them behind his ear, "Do you know what date it is?"

She nodded, "March thirteenth."

"Good. Do you know where you are and who I am?" he asked gently.

She looked off to the side for a few moments chewing on her bottom lip, "In your office…" she paused and then turned her gaze back to him, "Dr. um…" she gave a shrug, she couldn't remember, even though her brother had told her on the way over.

He gave nod, "I am Dr. Sean Mitchell," he stood up and reached over the desk, holding his hand out to her, at which she stared blankly at for a few moments before finally shaking it.

He frowned mentally as he sat back down, this wasn't looking too good. Picking up his pen he wrote a few more things down.

Thought Processes

Very slow. She seems very distant

There's a slight stutter to her speech

Sensorium

Is not very aware of her surroundings

Again she is very distant

As he was jotting these observations down he kept an eye on her.

Appearance and Behaviors

Keeps wringing handkerchief

Looks around a lot with a rather anxious/fearful expression

Putting his pen down he rubbed his chin thoughtfully before asking his next question, "Can you tell me why you're hear, Mrs. Suknami?"

She looked down at her hands and gripped the cloth tightly, trying to keep them from shaking, "I-I don't know."

He just gave her a patient nod, "Okay, then how have you been feeling lately? And for how long."

She looked uncertain or at least from what he could tell, since she was still staring at her now white knuckled hands.

"Tired, like I can't go on," she started, "As if the loss is going to overwhelm me," she paused to swallow the lump in her throat, her voice sounding strained, "I-I don't really care anymore. This life h-has no meaning. N-not with out…." She trailed off as she looked up at him in a painful anxious manner.

"Then that is why you're here," he replied in his gentle voice, "What is you loss?" he asked almost delicately.

"T-Ta-Taka," she barely whispered as her voice cracked. Bowing her head she hid her face in her hands as her shoulders started to shake softly.

"It is okay," he soothed as his eyes strayed to the clock, they didn't have much time, which was a good thing, she had been pushed as far as he dared for now.

Getting to his feet he walked over and knelt beside her, "It is okay," he repeated softly as he put an arm around the distraught woman's shoulders. 

"We've done enough for today," the doctor said in the same tone as he helped her to her feet and escorted her to the door. Opening it he escorted her through it, at which a young man came to take Miaka from Sean. Wrapping her in his own arms as he tried to soothe her.

"Please make an appointment for next week," he told the man, before turning and disappearing back into his office, not wanting to witness the scene anymore than he had too.

Taking a seat back in his comfortable chair he sighed heavily as he continued to fill out the interview form, or at least what he could of it. He looked up after a few minutes when he heard a knock on the door. "Come in," he called as he put the pen down.

His secretary's purple head a and more pretty than handsome face peeked around the door, "Hello! Just thought I would see what you think about your new patient." The feminine man said this as he slipped in and closed the door behind him.

The psychologist shrugged, "It is hard to say. Besides you know I can not disclose anything about her, William."

The man's face fell slightly as he took a seat in one of the comfortable chairs, the one that the woman had vacated not long ago to be precise. He really did love his friend's office it was so…normal. No plaques or certificates hung on the wall to intimidate or show off. Instead there was a calm forest scene that covered the walls, one that Sean himself had painted. The one big casing of shelves that were built into the length of the left wall held books of every type not just those on the subject of psychology, as well as a few statues and figurines of various things.

Even the doctor himself looked normal with a kind looking young handsome face, long powdery blue hair always tied in a neat ponytail, with the stubborn bangs always slipping into his chocolate eyes. Then his neat nice casual not too dressy clothes always worn with a pair of loafers.

"What can you tell me, Sean?"

He sighed softly as his soft gaze fell upon his friend, "That she needs help and her brother did the right thing in getting her here."

The more delicate looking man gave a nod of his head, "That's on reason why I accepted an appointment with out your go ahead. Even though I know you prefer to speak with them personally."

He studied the other man for a moment from the short purple hair with the long fluffy bangs that hung in large violet eyes to the delicate features of the face and the rest of the man, with narrow shoulders and hips to thin hands. Sean rather felt for his friend, for because of his girlish looks many women refused to think of him as more than a friend or even believe that William was straight. Thus Sean himself had mended a lot of broken hearts, that all belonged to the same person.

"Well, I am glad you did," even though he had been a bit ruffled at first, "For most Psychiatrists or even Psychologists for that matter would have sent her out of here packing at lest two prescriptions for antidepressants if not more."

He leaned back in his chair brooding about this, that is one thing he could not stand about most of his peers, the medicalization of their patient's problems.

"Oh are you going to Josh's show at 'Sakuya's' tonight?"

Sean blinked his eyes as he barely caught the question, having been so deep in thought. 

"I know Richard, Zan, and I are going. What time do you want to be picked up?"

The psychologist nodded his head, "Sure, sounds like fun. What time?" He obviously had missed the other's question.

Billy bit his lip in thought, "Seven-thirty?"

"Sounds good, especially if you let me get some work done," Sean teased dryly.

"Sure thing! Coz you're not going to use that excuse tonight, Dr. Mitchell!" the man stated loudly as he made his way to the door.

"Let me know when my next appointment arrives," he called after the over excitable man.

"Sure thing!" Came the reply as the door shut with a soft click.

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Okay I am going to define a few things for some people who do not know the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist. What they're not the same? You ask. Nope! They are two different things.

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Psychiatrist: first earn and M.D. degree in medical school, then specialize in psychiatry during a 3-4 year residency training. They investigate the nature and causes of psychological disorders, often from a biological point of view, and offer treatments. Many psychiatrists emphasize drugs or other biological treatments, although most use psychosocial treatments as well. And because they have an M.D. they may prescribe drugs directly.

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Psychologist: receive a Ph.D degree (or sometimes a Psy.D., doctor of psychology, or Ed.D., doctor of education) and follow a course of graduate-level study, lasting approximately 5 years, that prepares them to conduct research into causes and treatment of psychological disorders and to diagnose, assess, and treat these disorders. They too may prescribe drugs but are less likely, in most cases, and the patient has to go to a doctor to get the actual prescription.

If there is ever anything else in the course of this fic that boggles you and you don't under stand feel free to ask because I might not necessarily catch everything. Please review the story, otherwise…*shrugs* Oh and if I'm spelling Miaka's last name please tell me and I'll fix it. 0.0


	2. Sakuya's

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Pain of Loss and Gain

`Chapter 2` Sakuya's

By: Gator Ri

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Ack! Sorry about this taking a bit longer than I had planned but profs. decided to dump exams on me. And they still aren't all over. -_- 

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A knock sound at the door.

"Coming!" Sean called from in his bedroom where he had just barely gotten his pants on.

Making his way down the hall, his bare feet sounding rather loud on the hard wood, he reach the door just as another knock sounded.

"I said I'm coming," he said again as he opened the door.

"I know!" chirped Billy as he pushed Sean back and entered the apartment.

"You little…" he trailed of and shook his head at the other man, as he was pushed back from the door. He turned to head back to his bedroom, letting the door close as it would behind him.

He heard a loud whistle from behind him, "My! My! Don't we look hot tonight!" Billy stated loudly taking note of his friend's state of undress, "The boys at the club will loooove you! Hmmmm, Hmmmm, Hmmmm."

Sean felt the fire of the blush quickly over take his face, "Shut up!" he almost wailed as his voice went up a few octaves, hating it when William teased him like that. He turned to face the other, "You know I don't swing that way! And neither do you!"

The teaser rolled his eyes as he blew at his fluffy bangs, "Whatever, can't you even take a joke. Even after all these years."

Sighing, he decided to just give up on the situation as he returned to his room to finish dressing. Grabbing his black dress shirt, that matched the black pants he wore. Buttoning it he tucked it into his pants and then got the plum tie at which he deftly tied it, making sure it was centered and straight. Satisfied that it was he pulled the dark navy sport coat of its hanger and put that on as well, puling his long ponytail out of the back of it as well to let it hang free. Taking out a pair of black socks he pulled them on before slipping on his black loafers, which completed the ensemble.

Walking into the modest living room Sean was just in time to catch William picking on his cat again.

"Will, you please quit picking on him," he scolded, "You're way to old to be doing this stuff and it's cruel."

"Oh! Pish! Posh! A little tape never hurt anyone," he said getting to his feet, "You ready?"

I nodded.

"Okay! Then lets get this show on the road!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Where do you ever get you energy, William," he shook his head at the bundle of energy as they left.

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"I wonder where they are?" a boy with chestnut hair brushed into a ponytail that stuck up questioned his friend. Not too mention this was probably the third time in the last five minutes that he had asked.

"Don't worry, they'll be here," replied the big man in a deep resonating voice, his dark eyes looking around the room patiently.

"I know but Josh will be on soon," the childlike voice of the younger one worried, his large eyes not so calmly looking around the place.

"You know, Zan, for having multiple Ph.D.'s you sure do worry about trivial things," came a very distinct feminine like voice from behind the smaller man.

Turning around the young man's face lit up, "Hey guys! You're just in time!"

"Sorry, but you know how long it takes Sean to get ready," smiled William as he pulled out a chair and took a seat.

"Hey, I was read on time," said the psychologist as he too took a seat, "You came early to pick on my cat," he frowned slightly at this.

William shook his head, "Nuhuh."

"Guys, guys," the short black spiky headed medical doctor intervened, "Come on at least you're here."

"Richard's right," piped Zan.

Sean just grinned as he pulled himself from the conversation, to let the others banter back and forth, and let his gaze wander around the stately club.

Out of all the places that they would go this was Sean's favorite, for here he was able to watch and observe people easily and listen to good music, without the usual clamor. 'Sakuya's' was for Tokyo's higher society folk, thus they took good care of their clientele.

The room was nice and relaxing with little lamps on each of the tables that gave off a dim light, enough to allow for privacy but also enough so that they needed very little lighting elsewhere. There were also different planters situated around the room to help with giving customers an even greater sense of privacy and relaxation, for they were filled with lilac bushes and other greenery, making one feel as if they were in a garden. But they were also placed strategically enough so that no one's view of the stage was blocked.

"Hey! Earth to Sean!"

The doctor blinked his eyes as William waved his hand in the man's face and almost yelling in his ear abruptly brought his consciousness to the table.

"What?"

Billy sat down and rolled his violet eyes, "You are so dense sometimes," he then got a more serious look, "You thinking about that new patient?"

This got Richard's and Zan's attention, as well for they stopped pretending to read the night's program and looked at their friend.

Sean shook his head and then shrugged as he looked at the table, "Not really…although it's a bit at the back of my mind."

"Is it that bad?" queried Zan in concern.

Sean shrugged his shoulders and again shook his head, he wasn't really sure yet and wasn't really all that willing to discuss, he didn't want to violate the patient doctor confidentiality contract.

"Is there something I could do?" Richard asked, concerned as well.

To this Sean nodded, 'I might send her to you in the next couple of weeks for a physical examination to make sure that there is nothing medically wrong."

The MD nodded his black spiky head, "That will be fine with me. Just make sure to make an appointment."

"Hey, why don't we leave work out of it guys. I mean isn't tonight supposed to be fun?' Zan intervened with a frown.

The others got sheepish looks.

'Yeah, he's right. Lets hear Josh play and then grab him for a movie of something," they looked at Billy as he said this and nodded in agreement, sounded go to them.

A waitress came up to their table and smiled at them, "Hello, guys. The usual's?"

Chuckling and smiling at her they gave a nod, "Sure thing," Billy agreed out loud as well.

With a wave and a girlish giggle she gave them all wink, "Okay it will be up in a few minutes." Turning she walked away with her green curls bouncing in their ponytail holder.

Billy watched her go, following her with his eyes.

"You like her don't you?" Sean asked quietly enough so that the other two couldn't hear.

Billy nodded his head, causing his long bangs to fall in his eyes, as he chewed his bottom lip.

Sean offered his friend a reassuring smile.

"Hey, Josh should be up next," Zan stated as he looked towards the stage.

Sean and Billy looked towards the stage where the current performers were dancing to some classical music.

"Good, it'll be nice to get some life into this place," Billy yawned.

Richard shook his head, "What do you not enjoy Bach?"

Billy wrinkled his nose, "Not really."

"That's because it doesn't have enough swing for his taste," Sean interjected with a slight smile to his lips.

"That's because classical is a high art music brought over from Europe," Zan added, with a wink.

Billy covered his face, "All right, all right… I know this already. You've only told me about a million times."

The other three grinned and chuckled at their friend.

"Then maybe one would be wiser in keeping ones mouth shut," Sean advised.

"Great advice from an outstanding doctor," Richard said with a wink and a smile.

"Ah… But I be not as great of a doctor as thee."

"Well, maybe it's because you both are doctors of different fields," observed Zan.

"Maybe they are teasing each other or more pointedly someone else," Billy half grumped but quickly straightened up as the waitress came with their food.

"Okay, let us see here," she started, "We have wine dipped shrimp with spirits for Dr. Zan Kuhn," she put his plate and drink down in front of the young man with a grin, "Steak cooked medium well for Dr. Richard Epcar with spirits," she set those down. "Next we have fetuccini alfredo for Dr. Sean Mitchell with more sprite than wine," she put those down before turning to Billy, "And lastly for Dear William Hather we have beer battered pan fish with his own special drink." With a wide grin she set his plate down, "Now enjoy yourselves boys and don't forget to behave," with a wink she turned and walked away.

Complete silence fell over the table as they started in on their food.

As he ate Sean though of one of his other favorite things about this particular club, the food. For they didn't just have Japanese but also a few dishes from other countries as well.

The table looked up from their late supper as everyone around them broke out into applause, while the dancers on the stately stage took their bows.

"And now 'Sakuya's' is proud to present one of Tokyo's most popular jazz bands, 'Beaz'!" the voice came from no where really but it was low and calm although the words stirred excitement with in the crowd.

Josh and the other five members walked out on stage, all of them having bright smiles on their faces as they waved at their audience, whom had almost gone wild. Yes even the elite can act like you or me.

Billy whistled loudly as the other just clapped, Billy was the odd ball of the group and they accepted him for that.

Josh's neatly cut dirty blond hair seemed to wave and bristle with excitement but his eyes even more so for the brown orbs seemed to shine like the sun.

Sean couldn't help but smile slightly at the young man, he was always happy and trying to cheer people up with his wooden flute, which perhaps was on of the most unique things about the band. A flute is not a normal jazz instrument much less a wooden one.

The clapping finally died down and then the band started their set, which consisted of almost everything in the genre of jazz, from swing and be bop to dixieland and cool. 

Thus much of the night was played away to the delight of the audience, this is what most had come for to hear this artful music from a very skillful band.

As the band ended their last song, which happened to have been a mixture of Duke Ellington and Louis Armstrong. They left the stage to yet even more cat calls and whistles, at which one of the loudest was probably Billy.

"Hey come on guys. Why don't we go see Josh?" Zan suggested as he got to his feet, once the noise quieted down a bit.

"Yeah, lest," Billy agreed loudly as he followed suit.

The other two shrugged as they too go to their feet, "Sure why not," Richard agreed.

They had just gotten into the back hallway where the dress rooms for the performers were, when they noticed that Josh was actually coming towards them.

He waved the usual bright smile on his face, "Hello guys!"

As he came closer Sean couldn't help but admire the young lithe musician. He was so ordinary for his status with faded jeans & shirts, and beat up tennis shoes.

"So what are you guys up to tonight?" he asked as he stopped in front of them.

"Oh you know the usual, bar hopping and hiring the cheapest horror to share while doing drugs dressed in drag," Billy with a nonchalant air.

This caused Josh to laugh as the others rolled their eyes and shook their heads while chuckling.

"Well, maybe you are, William." Sean teased, "But I seem to remember someone suggesting that we just go rent some movies and make popcorn."

"You're know fun!" Billy whined back, causing everyone else to laugh at him all the harder.

"It sounds like fun Billy but I think I'll stick with Sean, Richard, and Zan."

"Where's your sense of adventure!?"

"It died," the others grinned as they turned and started talking about whose place to go to and what movies to rent.

Grumbling about dead beat intellectuals Billy followed after.

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"Miaka!" Keisuke yelled in a whisper, so as not too wake the kids, as he burst through her bedroom door, his eyes looking wild and dark blond hair disheveled.

Coming in he walked over to her bed, "Miaka? Miaka, are you all right?"

The young woman turned pain filled eyes upon her brother, tears staining her cheeks.

Now that he had her attention and didn't have to worry about scaring her, he sat on the bed and pulled her against him in a comforting embrace, "Shhhhh… It's okay," her big brother soothed her as he stroked her damp hair.

She sobbed into that comforting shoulder, like she had done for the past two months every time she had woken up screaming from a dream she couldn't totally remember.

As she finally quieted down she felt that tell tale strain on her body of she couldn't go on living like this.

"Oh, Keisuke," her tone was still watery from the sobbing, "Make them stop, make the nightmares stop."

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Okay and now for your lesson of the day, brought to you by the crazy author of this story. XD Actually this is just to specifically define classical music, as well as define the genres of jazz mentioned, and give a bit on Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington, two of the greatest jazz musicians of all time. ^___^

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Classical: music that is usually considered that of a cultivated tradition although not of it is considered a high art as it has been used for themes such as 'Star Wars' and the musical by George Gershwin, 'Porgy and Bess'.

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Swing: A matter of performance that, in part, separates jazz from other styles of music. It is a manner that generates heightened energy and rhythmic vitality.

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Bebop: A combo jazz style that emerged in the 1940's. It is characterized by high energy, virtuoso solo improvisation, complex rhythm patterns, and more novel and chromatic harmonies that were used in previous styles. 

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Cool: An outgrowth of and reaction to bebop style. Cool jazz arrangers and performers strived to maintain the musical qualities of bebop while making their music more accessible to their audience. They adopted many elements from classical music, including use of orchestral instruments not commonly used in jazz, such as the flute, oboe, and French horn.

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Dixieland: The first popular jazz style. It was characterized by group improvisation (clarinet, trumpet, and trombone) supported by a steady ragtime rhythm.

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Duke Ellington: Is a piano player that also was one of the most successful, as well as, durable jazz composers, arrangers, and big band leaders. One of his things that he said while he was playing the piano was that he was dreaming, he wasn't playing just dreaming.

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Louis Armstrong: Was one of the most famous Dixieland musicians, a giant among all transplanted New Orleans musicians. He pursued an illustrious career as a trumpet player, singer, and entertainer well into the 1960's. His primary influences for his career were from the recordings that he made in the 1920's in Chicago with his Hot Five and Hot Seven combos. He did two major things for the jazz genre:

The possibility of a jazz musician demonstrating innovative, extended jazz improvisations--or more than a two bar break. The possibility of solo, improvised jazz singing, which is know as scat singing (vocal improvising similar in manner to an instrumentalist improvising) ****

Improvisation: The act of creating the music while performing. 

EEPS! Sorry that ended up so long. @___@;;; hehe…I like jazz can ya tell?


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